Okay... In my last blog I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and a bit discouraged. Well, I figured out what was keeping me down....
FEAR.Yes fear and pride...and ultimately my justifications for not being entirely honest. The results of which are so predictable, so totally expected- discomfort, separation, depression, darkness. All feelings I don't prefer, yet even so, not as scary as the perceived danger I felt when I considered the option of telling the truth. It wasn’t someone else I was lying to, it was me.
What a LIE to think that I would find anything satisfying there; the truth is, as it always has been, precisely what sets us free.
So I finally got real enough to look at what was really bothering me, deal with it, do something about it, and get over it!
I'm speaking in code to some extent, but that's because I'm not totally ready or willing to bear all...but think there is a lesson- even without the details, for anyone interested.
In dealing with this issue of mine I turned to a mini course offered through Avatar on the Avatar website. Wow...what powerful little things they are. In reading the Integrity mini course I was struck by this statement...
"Being honest is really a question of courage – courage enough to face what we fear. This gets lost in the smoke screen of deceptions that is used to justify dishonesty. Whenever we accept that there is good reason to be dishonest –hardship, desperation, depression, ignorance, victimhood, etc. – we increase the evidence for fearing what we are avoiding. And what is it? Only this: Fear is a BELIEF in our inadequacy to deal with something. And that belief precedes any evidence of failure we have collected.
So, do we have the courage to face what we fear? This is life’s most severe test – failure leads to unawareness. Unawareness arising from fear is why people are dishonest. The belief responsible for the fear may be lost in confusion or hidden in the shame of humiliation. The invitation is to avoid, to forget, to go stupid, and the urge to be right further sanctions our ignorance. What a breath of fresh air to face a dishonest act and say, “I did it because I was afraid. Period!” That
is the first step toward discovering the hidden fear. What a relief! There is no longer a need to struggle to change the world or circumstances or anybody else. You can work on yourself. You need only to gather your courage and look for a BELIEF you have about your own inadequacy. At the bottom of every dishonest act, there is at least one."
Harry Palmer (Integrity Mini Course. http://www.avatarepc.com/)
I love this...it so eloquently puts into words what I am learning through my own experience. I do get afraid that I won't be able to deal with something and I run, or I act like a turtle and pull in m my shell. So ineffective.
FEAR.Yes fear and pride...and ultimately my justifications for not being entirely honest. The results of which are so predictable, so totally expected- discomfort, separation, depression, darkness. All feelings I don't prefer, yet even so, not as scary as the perceived danger I felt when I considered the option of telling the truth. It wasn’t someone else I was lying to, it was me.
What a LIE to think that I would find anything satisfying there; the truth is, as it always has been, precisely what sets us free.
So I finally got real enough to look at what was really bothering me, deal with it, do something about it, and get over it!
I'm speaking in code to some extent, but that's because I'm not totally ready or willing to bear all...but think there is a lesson- even without the details, for anyone interested.
In dealing with this issue of mine I turned to a mini course offered through Avatar on the Avatar website. Wow...what powerful little things they are. In reading the Integrity mini course I was struck by this statement...
"Being honest is really a question of courage – courage enough to face what we fear. This gets lost in the smoke screen of deceptions that is used to justify dishonesty. Whenever we accept that there is good reason to be dishonest –hardship, desperation, depression, ignorance, victimhood, etc. – we increase the evidence for fearing what we are avoiding. And what is it? Only this: Fear is a BELIEF in our inadequacy to deal with something. And that belief precedes any evidence of failure we have collected.
So, do we have the courage to face what we fear? This is life’s most severe test – failure leads to unawareness. Unawareness arising from fear is why people are dishonest. The belief responsible for the fear may be lost in confusion or hidden in the shame of humiliation. The invitation is to avoid, to forget, to go stupid, and the urge to be right further sanctions our ignorance. What a breath of fresh air to face a dishonest act and say, “I did it because I was afraid. Period!” That
is the first step toward discovering the hidden fear. What a relief! There is no longer a need to struggle to change the world or circumstances or anybody else. You can work on yourself. You need only to gather your courage and look for a BELIEF you have about your own inadequacy. At the bottom of every dishonest act, there is at least one."
Harry Palmer (Integrity Mini Course. http://www.avatarepc.com/)
I love this...it so eloquently puts into words what I am learning through my own experience. I do get afraid that I won't be able to deal with something and I run, or I act like a turtle and pull in m my shell. So ineffective.
Facing it, dealing with it, getting through and then over it...it works!
I’m back to being happy- full of hope me.
Feels soooo much better!
I’m back to being happy- full of hope me.
Feels soooo much better!
I have absolutely no idea what issue you're dealing with, but I will tell you this. When B. had problems with honestly, it was the biggest red flag to us. He's empowered now to live his life in honesty, and I'm proud of him. I've always been a firm believer in 1) being brutally honest with yourself and 2) being brutally honest with those you love. My real friends call me on my BS and make me a better person. The truth will set you free...even if it's painful coming to that conclusion. You're awesome!
ReplyDeleteI believe that there are two great powers in life: Love and Truth. And I also won't be surprised if we one day get to really understand those two things and find that they are really the same thing. I can't accept that not all truth is good. It may not get you what you want at the moment, but it's still the best we can do. BUT ... I nonetheless have a hard time being truly honest about who I am. I guess approval of others is too important to me. The fear is that if they know enough about me, they'll find reason(s) to reject me. The paradox is, obviously, that by not being open about my true self, I keep people at arm's length.
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