Finger in the door!

Well...from the title of this blog it safe to assume that someone got slammed. Yes, and that someone was me. I'd like to blame it on Henry, my 100lb- 11 year old German Shepard, but I can't. This morning I've had a lot of feelings that I haven't preferred and most all of them I'd like to blame on someone else.

But...and here's the rub~I've learned that blaming others just never ever brings satisfaction. It doesn't bring happiness. And it most certainly doesn't bring growth. Even when we are "truly victims," being "truly abused" by another, it seems that looking for what we could have done differently to have avoided being in that situation in the first place, or how we could have reacted that would have made it better, re-empowers us. I am all about personal empowerment. Even if the power we can find in a certain situation is miniscule.

But so far today has not been one of those days...lately all I've really wanted to was just sit and not take responsibility, not take ownership of my experience. I've been constantly tempted to throw a full on pity party. As you can imagine it hasn't been the funnest week. I think my back pain hasn't helped any. But again I knew...even though it felt so good to be outside shoveling snow alone, the crisp night air blowing ever so lightly through my hair, the tiny snowflakes landing on my lips as I looked up twords heaven; and the peacefulness of the midnight hour so engulfing, 't was enough to make me block out that that twinge I felt in my back telling me to stop. The fact is, I could be experiencing something different with my back right now. It came down to my choice, my decision, my power. I acknowledge that and that makes this back pain okay because I know how to avoid it in the future.

So as I sit here with my finger throbbing trying to stop the bleeding, reflecting upon the temper tantrum I was throwing over my Dog scratching at the back door, and my ultimate carelessness and lack of will power that resulted in pain. I learn a little more...