Getting my head right...

Luke: But this is different!

Yoda: It is only different in your mind... Unlearn what you have learned.

Luke: I guess I can try.

Yoda: No! Try not! Do or do not. There is no TRY! Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. It's energy surrounds us and binds us.

Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter!

You must feel the force around you. Here. Between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yest, even between the land and the ship...

Feel the force.

Luke: You want the impossible!

YODA MOVES THE SHIP OUT OF THE WATER ONTO THE DRY LAND

Luke: I don't, I don't believe it!

Yoda: THAT is why you fail.

Andrea's Smiling

I suspected this day might come. That I would be writing on my blog, entitled 'Andrea's Smiling' without much of a smile.

And so as I sit here and contemplate all I have done in this day to combat my discouragement, I feel happy-er because I see that I am choosing, and feel how choosing is powerful!

In the past if I had a day like today...( I'll spare you the details) I most likely would have have started in a downward spiral. Instead of writing this blog, for instance, I would most likely have gone to read MSN-BC. You can imagine how cheered up I would be after doing that.

But now, when days like today come I do something different.

First, I let myself feel what I'm feeling. I often acknowledged it by spending a little time writing about it in my journal. When I've decided I've got it all out of me and am ready to shift...then I focus on what I want.

I recited some of my favorite "keep going" poems, listen to good music, make some phone calls to others who are struggling and encouraged them. Post positive comments on facebook to cheer up others. And today something new...I read my friends blog and that cheered me up!

It is so evident that we humans are going to have opposition. It doesn't' matter how positive you are or what your life circumstance is...there are going to be challenges.

I am seeing that for me, many of my challenges are self made and HUGE because I am living full out and taking big risks. I guess it's sorta like someone who decides to climb to the top of the mountain instead of climbing just to base camp.

People might think...stop complaining and just climb down if you don't like it. And they have a point.

I don't think there is a right or wrong/ better or worse way to be. We each have our dreams.

And the reality is, if a person falls from the top or on the way up it's going to be A LOT farther fall than if they had played it safe.

But I can't help but focus on the truth that when one makes it to the top it feels soooo amazing because of the sacrifice and risk!

Just writing this helps me. It is reminding me why I have these situations that cause me "stress." I chose this!

And it is because of my absolute commitment and desire to live full out, to play big, and not only that, but to make a grand difference!

I believe wholeheartedly in my ability and capacity to create amazing, and I guess that is worth some scary moments.

Yes. I'm back in feel now and I remember.

This truly its worth all the faith I can muster!


"The future belongs to those who believe in the quality of their dreams."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

loving it all!

So after years of trying on many things, looking and wondering, I finaly found my vehicle...the thing that is enabling me to create on a larger scale my vision of what is possible. I didn't know that was happening when I started my buisness last October, but that is definitely what is happening! Honestly, out of all the many endeavors of my life, besides having a family, creating this has brought me more joy and fulfillment than anything else I've ever done.

It is the greatest feeling to wake up and have a clear sense of vision and purpose and to know I am creating something organicly ME! I am finding and using talents I didn't know I had. I am also finding out that I thrive when I have measurable goals, a finishing line if you will.
Creating this business is pushing me to a whole new level of thinking. Through this process of being accountable and being clearly able to see when I reach my goals and when I don't, I am getting a glimpse of what is possible and how effective I really can be if I choose. This new confidence, assurance, and sense of responsibility is helping me to be better in all the rolls of my life.

What do they say? "Want something done, ask a busy person." I am learning first hand, that when someone really wants something they will make the time or the money or resources it takes.Truly where there is a will there is a way, and my will is getting stronger and stronger.

So whatever it is that you decide is right for you...the thing I feel is most important is to be so absolutely excited about it. Love it! When you find this sense of purpose it will not detract from your previous commitments it will enrich. When there is a clear sense of direction and purpose there will be joy. So don't settle! You are worth the time it will take to reach deep in your soul to discover what is there for you, what you really want to create?


I know in terms of Mothering, I have always said that I want my children to know that they can do and be anything they set their minds to, and not because I said so, but because I did it. As I get a clearer and clearer sense of who I am, and as I stand in that space more and more oportunity's are opening up for me to reach and stretch and become even more. Life is full because I am really living my vision. I am step by step working towards fulfilling my mission. I am finding joy, gratitude and trust for whatever is in the moment. My intention is that as I get better and better at being consistent in these things, I am able to assist others in doing the same...especially my children.

I love life! I do.
I am excited to be on this planet with you.
May we each remember who we are, and who we can be, and then use all the power that comes from being firm in our knowing in helping each other home is my deepest desire!

To abundant life!

A ; )

Welcome!

So...I've decided to become a serious blogger.
Today my friend said to me,

"You really do fun things with your turn on earth,"

and I thought, she's right.
I have the most amazing life. I have learned incredible things, have been lots of fun places, know the most inspiring people, many who I have close friendships with.
To say I have a rich and colorful life is an understatement.
So though I've been diligently recording much of my experiences in my journal for the last 22 years, it seems it may be a nice thing to share them for a change.
So here I go.
I'm not sure where this will take me, if anyone will really even read what I write...but no matter, I'm puttin' it out there!

Who ever wants to join me...welcome!
I'm excited- as usual, to see what this new adventure leads me to create...

So until tomorrow...
here's to Abundant life and creating AMAZING!!!!

25 Random Things About Me

25 Random Things About Me

(This was a facebook thing so I thought I'd add it to my blog.)

1. It is nearly impossible for me to be brief!!! But there, I did it… (if you don’t feel like reading the rest of this I’ll understand!)


2. I’m extremely grateful for my challenges. I couldn’t always say that but now I can without reservation. I soooo badly want to be the most amazing, incredible, effective, capable person I can be~ to totally fill the measure of my creation!…and you know what get’s me closer to my BIG GIANT ever EXPANSIVE goal…yep, you guessed it, challenges. So bring’em on! I’ll just get better at staying happy in the midst of them and I’ll keep getting stronger…


3. I used to chainsaw carve- I made bears and fish and eagles etc... Yep…nothing like a girl with a power tool!!! I was even featured on the nightly news in Seattle because of it. The thing that was most funny was when they showed my kids playing on the swing set with earplugs in next to my carving area. MmmMRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

4. I am taking up bee keeping this spring. I’ve always loved the little creatures, they are industrious, organized, persevering, purposeful, spirited, tenacious and to top it off~ are extremely passionate…no wonder they resonate with me. Queen Bee Power!!!

5. Yoga~ it is my sanity. There is nothing that a good yoga class can’t put into perspective. I just love how it centers a person, quiets the mind, and connects me to my real purpose. I am also so extremely grateful for my body. 12 years ago I was in a car accident. I ended up having back surgery and Physical Therapy three days a week. For 9 years I struggled intensely with my back. Then I found YOGA…whew! I learned how to strengthen my core body, and am happy to say that most of the time I am totally pain free…except when I go crazy shoveling snow at 1am.

6. I do acting and a bit of modeling- an incredible way to make money doing something that I love!!!! The best part about it is working with people…I just love interacting with the director, my fellow actors, and the crews. I also love the feeling of being in front of the camera- there is something about it that just is so real…there is no hiding! What you see is what you get, and I’ve always loved that honesty! I’m fortunate that I don’t get nervous very easily…actually there is something so invigorating to me about all of the lights, camera, action energy in the room! I’m a very lucky girl!

7. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends my whole life! I count myself very rich…I can hardly believe how fortunate I am as I sit and reflect upon each person and uniquely characteristic difference they have made in my life…even when they didn’t know the impression or imprint that they were leaving in even the tiniest interaction. It’s just really incredible to me and a sure testament of the power of one… and if you are reading this…you can be sure that you are one of whom I speak. I most sincerely thank you!

8. I love water! It is the most amazing element. I love to be in it, whether it’s floating way out past the waves in the big blue ocean, reading a book in the bathtub, or totally surrendering every bit of stress as I float in my hot tub on a frosty snowy night…Ahhhh, water!

9. Speaking of Water…I had three of my five babies in water. My last little sweet girl was born in my hot tub in the back yard on a blustery November night. SO INVIGORATING- and what an awesome way to enter the world!

10. I am totally into midwifery. I thought I wanted to become a midwife but I realized that I’m too much of a free spirit to be on call. I still want to learn the art of helping to bring babies into the world…and then just happen to be needed someday. I realized that what I really love about midwifery is watching women become empowered as they take responsibility for their birth experience. It is so amazing to see a woman walk the journey of growth that pregnancy, labor, and birth can produce. I never tire of it!

11. I was given an African name while I was in Africa…Rohoyamakunga. It means Heart of a Midwife.

12. Delicious food is one thing that makes this life so wonderful. We are such a blessed nation…to have at our fingertips any spice and nearly any food we could wish for. The ability to create delicious, creative, beautiful to look at food for the people I love is one of the great joys of my life. Come on over…I promise you will leave with a very happy tummy! Even as I type this I am simmering a pot of Srilankan Kukul Mas Curry and making Saffron rice for some friends I’m going to visit. Yummy!

13. I have lived in the most amazing places…but in my heart there is and will always be a tender place for my garden home Seattle. I suppose it is the place I think I “really grew up.” and after all it’s the place I found the love of my life while I played in the phenomenal adventure land that is the Emerald City. I had my 5 beautiful children there and together we played some more. I happily explored every nook and cranny and dined at nearly every restaurant and tasted every possible kind of food I could with my dear wonderful friend Grandma. Oh…just get me started. Sufficed to say-SEATTLE…there is no place like it!

14. I LOVE TO BE ORGANIZED!!!! It is the one outward place in life that it’s okay to wield absolute power!

15. I love the BLUE ANGLE’S. When I watch them fly overhead I feel like a school girl with her first crush. There is something so dang sexy about those planes and the sound they make as they jet across the sky. I think my heart is beating faster just thinking about them. Man I’ve got it bad!

16. Butterfly is my 17 hand,1,500 lbs American Warmblood. Right now she’s in foal with her second baby due in April. I am making a primary that by October of 2009 we will be together again!!!

17. My Jewels are my 5 astounding, splendid children. They truly fill me up and give me reason to live. I have many regrets that sting from my almost 18 years of motherhood, but I keep trying to grow and change and to be better. Hopefully when the time comes for them to go on their own, they will forgive me for my mistakes as well as carry with them a firm knowledge that they are totally loved; that they will know who they are, and have a vision of who they can become. That they will know they can do anything they set their minds too…and not just because I told them so, but because I did! Oh… And I hope that they will be full of memories of many fun times…enough that they come back home for more. I’ll let them go, but I’ll still hold on…


18. Right now I am witnessing what I consider to be a miracle every day at my kitchen counter as I help my little Kindergartner as she learns to read. It is simply breathtaking, for I acknowledge reading to be one of the most significant abilities anyone could have. In reading there is freedom, in reading there is power, in reading there is hope! (I learned that in Africa) I could never list all the incredible books that have changed the course of my life…they (especially the scriptures) have helped mold me, one page at a time, into who I am. l live in gratitude daily for my ability to read.

WOW THIS IS A LONG LIST…

19. Memorizing…it’s a talent (that I work hard on.) I like to memorize lots of quotes and poems…and lucky for me it helps with my scripts. It’s good…because kinda like having SUPERCALAFRAGALISTICEXPEALIDOUCIOUS up your sleeve…I’m never at a loss for something I could say.


20. I too love words, verbally spoken and written…to me they are magical, mystical, powerful and liberating. To command them in a way that can bring a smile to your neighbors face, or cause a grown man to cry, or make someone you love burst out in laughter; or how they can be even so sharp that they can pierce through the very heart of someone~ all of this just amazes me. Words are a tool so mighty, with such a lasting affect that one must treat them with care. My favorite of all time bathroom reading is…you guessed it, a dictionary and a thesaurus. Try taking one in with you…but you may have a hard time coming out.


21. Dolphins are my favorite animals because they are an example to me that no matter what happens it’s important to never loose your sense of humor. Even in the direst of circumstances, they stay connected with their friends, they work together to tackle their challenges, and remember to keep it light!


22. Light! I love light…whether it’s morning light coming in my window shining on me as I write in my journal, or Candle light making my home feel warm and cozy. Christmas Lights, and firelight, or even track light. I love the light that radiates from my friends smiley face…or from my lover’s eyes as he looks at me across a romantic dinner table. And of course there is the light that comes from the gospel, and the brightest light of all…HIM. Light- I am addicted to it. Anything that brings more light into my life…that is what I am attracted to, it’s what I crave, I live for it!


23. Journal writing is something I’ve been doing fairly regularly now for about 25 years. I have 28 complete volumes, 10 of them written in the last 3 years alone. Writing in my journal is my other therapist that combined with regular Yoga keeps me pretty happy. I don’t know if anyone will ever read them, or would want to, but I will say that I have learned so very much by writing and it has helped me be self aware…I can see my problems from a far instead of being “in them,” and I think there is something so self healing about that.


24. I ran for Mrs. Utah. It was very interesting. It was funny to see there faces when I answered the question- what is the most unusual thing you did to prepare to run, and I responded with, “I bought makeup.” Anyways I hope that was that girly girl enough for you Mr. Huddleston? Now can I go back to my hiking boots?

LAST BUT NOT LEAST…

25. I have a horrible habit of holding it…you know- not going to the bathroom until I absolutely have to! You’re lucky though…because all these things would have probably been way longer except for the fact that I’m totally wiggling in my seat right now. GOTTA GOOOOOoooooooo……

I Pledge Allegence

I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to watch live on our family’s computer the inauguration of our 44th President as he took the sacred and high office of President of the United States of America. President Barack Obama.

After celebrating yesterday Martin Luther King Day, the significance of this moment was even more poignant. We have come so far from that historic speech on the steps of the Lincoln Monument where Dr. King first spoke those enduring words; I have a dream.
Surely we are yet another step forward towards the fulfillment of that righteous and noble vision. Truly we are a more united people as a whole, yet the message of the day has been and is still…we have not arrived.
We have yet far to travel. There is still intolerance; there is still poverty, both financial and emotional. There are still injustices and to some degree we are even more accountable for the vices and challenges that we find ourselves experiencing than ever before because we know better.
We must each determine in our own lives to recommitting ourselves to growth and to the taking of personal responsibility and accountability to that part which is ours to claim. No longer shunning this responsibility to another, or pointing the finger outward- but claiming squarely what is ours and focusing within our most basic area of influence- on ourselves. By so doing and by growing in integrity and character our capacity will be enlarged, or sphere of influence expanded. We will begin to make change. And though that change may be small and seemingly insignificant at first, it will eventually ripple out in greater and greater measure.

Quoting Robert F. Kennedy from a speech he gave in South Africa on June 1966, the day of affirmation.

“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. It’s from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other form a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

Let us never forget the intrinsic power that lies within each one of us to produce change; because we are children of God, there lies within all of us incomprehensible potential. I would submit that one of the great opportunities of this birthright is the ability to rise to this innate greatness by striving to learn and grow and as we humble ourselves through service and sacrifice, in short as we become more like him.

We are each called; we each have a uniquely personal mission to perform. No one can take our place. It is up to us to fulfill our foreordained potential by our thoughts and desires, and by our acts and deeds.

Though my influence is yet very small, I pledge my support, prayers, and positive energy to President Obama, and to all of our faithful elected leaders of this nation.

I too promise to do my part to support and uphold the constitution, first of all by becoming more familiar to this sacred work and by working to be a defender and advocate of it’s message and to it’s mission.

I also recommit myself to doing all I can to “preserve the sanctity and safety of the home and the integrity of the family, where faith in God and obedience to His commandments are taught as the foundation of a productive life.” I recognize that the family is the basic unity of society, and know that our nation will be stronger as I strengthen my family; the center of my sphere of influence. Here I will work tirelessly to succeed.

All these things I do solemnly pledge with my whole heart.

The beautie of telling the truth.

Okay... In my last blog I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and a bit discouraged. Well, I figured out what was keeping me down....

FEAR.Yes fear and pride...and ultimately my justifications for not being entirely honest. The results of which are so predictable, so totally expected- discomfort, separation, depression, darkness. All feelings I don't prefer, yet even so, not as scary as the perceived danger I felt when I considered the option of telling the truth. It wasn’t someone else I was lying to, it was me.

What a LIE to think that I would find anything satisfying there; the truth is, as it always has been, precisely what sets us free.

So I finally got real enough to look at what was really bothering me, deal with it, do something about it, and get over it!

I'm speaking in code to some extent, but that's because I'm not totally ready or willing to bear all...but think there is a lesson- even without the details, for anyone interested.

In dealing with this issue of mine I turned to a mini course offered through Avatar on the Avatar website. Wow...what powerful little things they are. In reading the Integrity mini course I was struck by this statement...

"Being honest is really a question of courage – courage enough to face what we fear. This gets lost in the smoke screen of deceptions that is used to justify dishonesty. Whenever we accept that there is good reason to be dishonest –hardship, desperation, depression, ignorance, victimhood, etc. – we increase the evidence for fearing what we are avoiding. And what is it? Only this: Fear is a BELIEF in our inadequacy to deal with something. And that belief precedes any evidence of failure we have collected.
So, do we have the courage to face what we fear? This is life’s most severe test – failure leads to unawareness. Unawareness arising from fear is why people are dishonest. The belief responsible for the fear may be lost in confusion or hidden in the shame of humiliation. The invitation is to avoid, to forget, to go stupid, and the urge to be right further sanctions our ignorance. What a breath of fresh air to face a dishonest act and say, “I did it because I was afraid. Period!” That
is the first step toward discovering the hidden fear. What a relief! There is no longer a need to struggle to change the world or circumstances or anybody else. You can work on yourself. You need only to gather your courage and look for a BELIEF you have about your own inadequacy. At the bottom of every dishonest act, there is at least one."

Harry Palmer (Integrity Mini Course. http://www.avatarepc.com/)

I love this...it so eloquently puts into words what I am learning through my own experience. I do get afraid that I won't be able to deal with something and I run, or I act like a turtle and pull in m my shell. So ineffective.

Facing it, dealing with it, getting through and then over it...it works!

I’m back to being happy- full of hope me.

Feels soooo much better!